American

Herbie Fully la.foodblogged

Matt Dillon preening in a Cheetos stock-car? Lindsay Lohan running for her life from a Monster Truck? The Donnas, Lionel Richie and Van Halen needledrops on the soundtrack? All kicked off by a “hip-hop” rendition of Zippity Doo-Dah performed by El Capitan’s house organist?

A friend’s date dropped out last minute so I got an invitation to the Herbie Fully Loaded premiere Sunday.

We were given Herbie 53 caps and 30 SPF sunblock at guest check-in (how very Disney, a pre-emptive strike against melanoma litigation). Inside we grabbed bottled drinks and tubs of Herbie popcorn festooned with LiLo’s winking face. Up in the balcony I asked an ancient usher about an engraved locket that she was wearing. Turns out it was a gold-plated Love Bug premiere locket from 1968. Buddy Hackett, baby-faced son of a Brooklyn upholsterer, Who loves you more than SoCalorie?

For some reason Larry King kept standing up and gesticulating at the ushers before the movie started. Cool it on the ushers, King. They’re not walkie-talkie-ing the projectionist on your behalf. But I went for the eats, and since there are no pivotal food scenes in Herbie, let’s cut to the after-party.

Any major food brands not represented on Herbie’s red carpet “finish line”… Let’s see… Great Steak & Potato Co., Chipotle, Hamburger Hamlet, Subway, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Hot Dog On A Stick, Pringles, Dole and Heinz — check.

Sadly, the Goodyear tires, illuminating NASCAR mechanic’s gloves, and various branded baseball caps and t-shirts were inedible, I tried.

I’m assuming that one of the two huge meat lockers guarding LiLo & Co. was good ol’ Dean, whom she reportedly name-checked on Leno after imitating Cruise’s couch conniption. Her cordoned-off table was littered with uneaten Dole fruit, blondies, a hot dog, water and a small army of Coca-Cola Zeros. A celebubrand who’s wasting away from lack of interest in food? Not alot of love from the foodies, sorry pal. But that Angela Robinson sure knows how serve up the girl-power comedies. I’ll bet she loves food.

List o’ free stuff: Many cans of Herbie-emblazoned Pringles (MSG but no Olestra — craps!); inflatable miniature Goodyear blimps; NASCAR gloves with tiny 10,000 lumens bulbs on the pointer fingers (so you can grill burgers on your manifold in a rolling black-out); bigger than a Matchbox Kinsmart 1967 Beetle with opening doors; Subway peppermint after sandwich mints (eat fresh); a “framed” Kodak moment in front of Herbie; Hot Dog On A Stick styrofoam cap.

Next month… The Island. I hear there’s a scene featuring ScarJo and a few illicit strips of bacon.

© 2005 la.foodblogging.